Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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