Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
