mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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