It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
