I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
