There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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