He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We talked him into tasing himself.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
