Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
