not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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