i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
