You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just google imaged poop.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
