Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it's like iHOP with fire
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
