i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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