There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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