my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
