I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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