id be glad to
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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