I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
