I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize