Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
