dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
