If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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