Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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