Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
