I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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