guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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