We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
