Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
