This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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