There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Found the puke drawer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
