You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
