Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
