y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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