yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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