i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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