I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
