No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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