Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
