So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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