We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
