FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
