did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
