im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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