At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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