well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
