So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
