My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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