You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
