Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
