You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
