our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
