I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
