oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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