Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
