I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
