wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
