i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's the barista slut.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
