The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
