how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
