It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
