just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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