I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
