she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
as a side note pls kill me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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