Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
