no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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