haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
