im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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