it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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