its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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