I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
