College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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