And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
