I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
