I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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