therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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