WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize