I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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