I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
