Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize