just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
