oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
