she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
