he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
