he wants to bone in the snuggie
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
