would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
